


On the Contrary

by Leydhawk



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Reference to character death, Reverse insult AU, kurtbastian, more tags will be added as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-17 15:14:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leydhawk/pseuds/Leydhawk
Summary: A series of AU one-shots turning the insults Kurt and Sebastian threw at each other in canon on their ears.





	1. I Hear You’re the Designated Driver, Like, All the Time

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was prompted by enchanted-unicorns on tumblr. Thanks for giving me something so fun to write! I don’t know how many chapters this will be, or how often I’ll post but since the first one is done and the second is off to my beta, I figured I’d start posting. (Also as an apology to the loyal NikiJuly17th for putting her through the wringer with my Klainevalentines sad chapter!)

The first time Sebastian saw the name Kurt Hummel was when it popped up on the screen of his phone in his Uber app, along with the location: Scandals, and it didn’t mean anything to him. There was plenty of drinking that went on at a gay bar in the small town of Lima.

So Sebastian picked up Kurt, along with several other people, who all looked too young to have legitimate IDs for the 21+ establishment.

Again, not his problem. He dropped each of the individuals off at a house or apartment building, until only the boy who’d used the app was left.

“I’m not sure I wanna go home yet,” Kurt said, his words unslurred but too loud for the car.

“What’s the plan, then? It’s your dime.”

“No, no, I should go home.”

“That’s the address you put in, right? Back in Lima proper?”

“It is, but... I don’t wanna go back there. S’not really home...” Kurt’s voice dropped and he sagged a little against the seatbelt.

“Your choice.”

A heavy sigh greeted that.

“Okay, yeah, take me there. Casa de Hudson,” Kurt mumbled, then dozed until Sebastian woke him when they arrived.

“M-kay. Thanks,” Kurt mumbled and made his way to the door of the small, slightly shabby house with the dead front lawn.

**~**

The next couple of times Sebastian drove Kurt home from Scandals, Kurt was a happier drunk. Kurt had been with two girls who made out in the back seat during the drive, and had kept up a running commentary about how great the night had been.

And after the girls had been dropped off at one address, Kurt had thanked him profusely for not ogling his friends like ‘most red-blooded American males’ would have.

“Why would I ogle them? I’m gay,” Sebastian had said, and Kurt had found the comment hilarious.

**~**

The fourth time Sebastian drove Kurt home, Kurt was alone, and he’d been waiting outside the bar, crying when Sebastian pulled up.

“Hey, man, are you okay?” Sebastian asked when Kurt had buckled into the passenger seat.

“No. But I will be.”

Sebastian gave him a packet of Kleenex from his hospitality stash, and Kurt thanked him.

“I appreciate you always being so nice and understanding,” Kurt said.

“I appreciate that you tip me.”

Kurt chuckled darkly. “Everybody wants something, don’t they.”

“Seriously, Kurt, do you wanna talk about it?”

“It’s the anniversary of m-my father’s death. I’m sort of an orphan now.”

“That sucks.”

Kurt barked a laugh. “Most people say they’re sorry, you know.”

“Well, yeah, but... It sucks.”

“It does. So much.”

Sebastian pulled up at Kurt’s home address.

“House-not-so-sweet-house,” Kurt said softly. He released his seatbelt and started to get out.

“Hey,” Sebastian said.

Kurt looked over at him.

“You’ll find or make a home, someday.”

Taking a deep breath, Kurt nodded and got out, but the small smile on his face seemed genuine, and that made Sebastian smile, too.


	2. I Was Distracted By Your Giant Horse Teeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting in honor or International Fanworks Day.

Kurt sighed, clicking through the smiling head shots. Seriously, how could some of these snaggle-toothed men really think they could be toothpaste models?

A laugh burst from him when he came across a head shot the was nothing but the lips from Rocky Horror. After studying the teeth (the front uppers where a little large, but he could work with that) Kurt clicked on the resume, intrigued.

Fortunately, the young man was handsome in a sharp-featured way, and his other photos showed he had a nice variety in the smiling expressions he was capable of.

That one went into the interview file.

**~**

Kurt was on his seventh interview for the national ad, when he heard a commotion outside his office. Kurt ignored it, knowing his assistant Azimio would be able to deal with anything: An advantage of hiring a former linebacker.

The current interviewee had apparently touched up his head shot or taken up smoking massive amounts because his teeth were nowhere near what the picture he’d sent had led Kurt to believe. He nearly rolled his eyes. When would people learn not to lie on their applications?

The polite blow off slid easily from Kurt’s lips, and the man left, annoyingly leaving the door open.

“Kurt! I need to talk to you!”

The voice and accent were familiar and Kurt nearly groaned.

“Sir?” Azimio asked, and Kurt knew he was physically blocking the other man from entering.

“Let him in, Zee.”

The troublemaker was a gorgeous, if aging, man with perfect teeth.

“David, come in.”

“Kurt, this campaign should be mine!”

Sighing inwardly but keeping his face neutral, Kurt tilted his head.

“The age for this is early twenties, David.”

“I have been passing for that for ten years!”

Kurt raised an eyebrow and gave David a pointed look. The man sagged.

“I’m too old. What can I do, Kurt?”

“You’re an amazing, talented, bilingual man. You’ll figure it out. And I will happily be a professional reference for you.”

The tall man took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. With a nod, he left without speaking.

Azimio stuck his head in the door.

“You need a minute, boss?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, I’m fine. There’s only, what, two more?”

“One. The other guy canceled.”

“Damn, he’d better be good or we’ll have to start over.”

Azimio grimaced, and Kurt nodded sympathetically.

And in walked the Rocky Horror guy.

From the first smile, Kurt knew that he’d found his model.

“Sebastian Smythe, nice to meet you,” the man said. Kurt shook his hand and inclined his head for Sebastian to sit down.

The basic interview questions garnered no surprises, and Kurt relaxed, leaning back and crossing his legs.

They chatted amiably about the job, and Kurt confessed that he had definitely been taken in by the unique head shot.

“So were you in Rocky Horror?” Kurt finally asked.

“Yeah, sort of. A midnight players version for almost a year,” Sebastian clarified.

“Those are the ones where you perform along with the movie, right?”

“Yeah. It’s more of a challenge than you might think.”

“I used to perform. I know that every experience has it’s own difficulties.”

“You did, huh? I think I’d enjoy seeing that.”

“Mr Smythe, you’ve got the job. No need to flirt,” Kurt said (flirtatiously).

Sebastian smiled that dazzling smile again.

“Well, thank you, I appreciate the opportunity for my first tooth modeling job, but I’m flirting because I want your number, not to try to advance my professional prospects.”

“Ah, well, then, fire away, flirty tooth model,” Kurt purred, pleased with the response and anticipating a very fun beginning of...a fling? A relationship?

He’d have to wait and see. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed having Azimio literally working for Kurt. And how could I not have David Martinez in a fic about tooth modeling? The Rocky Horror reference came from both my current obsession with Adam Lambert, and Floorshow by Neaf (thank you Petalene for reminding me!) that had Kurt as Frank and a green Blaine as Brad(?). It’s a really good story!


	3. Old Betty White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My very first actual drabble: 100 words.

Sitting on their sofa, each in headphones looking at his own laptop, Sebastian surfed YouTube and Kurt, fashion blogs.

Bored with the TedX talk he was watching for class, Sebastian put his own name in the search bar and watched some Warbler performances, reminiscing, before stopping when autoplay produced video of Hunter Clarington.

Thoughtfully, he cleared the search and typed Kurt’s name, curious what might appear from his boyfriend’s past.

Funk music started, and Sebastian’s jaw dropped when Kurt swaggered across the stage singing extremely low. Elbowing Kurt, Sebastian unplugged to share the sound.

“Like young Barry White.”

Kurt laughed.


	4. Wearing Boy Clothes For Once

Sebastian loved trying different clubs, and New York had a plethora of them to choose from.

Maggie’s was one he’d never tried before, and he knew the moment he stepped inside that he was going to enjoy the evening.

The bar was immediately on his right and had no stools for the first twenty feet or so. There was a foot rest, though, and many of the men bellied up had one shoe resting on it. That set their asses on display like a meat market, and Sebastian appreciated the selection.

After a quick perusal, he determined that he was in the mood for slim, tight, and pert, and made his selection. Approaching the owner of the asset that best met his criteria, Sebastian inserted himself next to the man and struck up a conversation.

The front view was as good as the back, and Sebastian appreciated the snarky repartee as they bantered and drank.

Just as he was about to make his suggestion for them to return to his penthouse apartment, the man gave an apologetic wave and excused himself with a ‘see you later’.

Sebastian stared after him regretfully, but decided that the top shelf bourbon he was drinking merited staying at the club for a bit longer.

Just not at the meat market bar.

Finding a table near the stage, Sebastian was pleasantly surprised that there was a very good drag queen performing Gabrielle’s Should I Stay.

The next queen did Pat Benetar and after that, an encore of Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Sebastian’s glass was empty and he sat upright, intending to head back to the bar to see if his pert-assed choice had returned when the spotlight hit the next queen and he sank back into the back rest.

Luminous skin, azure blue eyes highlighted by less makeup than most drag queens wore, and a tightly-fitted black body suit stole Sebastian’s breath.

A diaphanous skirt that was so light and transparent that it hid nothing whatsoever, and silver platforms completed a look which probably shouldn’t have been as hot as it was.

Then the queen sang. Actually sang, herself, not lip-syncing like most queens, and her voice sent Sebastian’s breath wooshing out of him.

Watching, enraptured, Sebastian was afraid to blink lest the vision before him vanish like a dream.

The song was a medley of Alanis Morissette, and while Sebastian usually wasn’t a fan, the performance was breathtaking.

When the music came to a close, Sebastian rose with a hand over his heart, and the queen looked at him and nodded acknowledgement before leaving the stage.

There was no way Sebastian could sit through any more of the show that night. His head was spinning with the amalgam of the man with whom he’d flirted and the queen whose performance had moved him so completely, and he went to the bar and ordered a shot to try celebrate the incredible evening he was having.

“So you enjoyed my angry-chick medley, huh?” A voice said behind Sebastian.

Turning, Sebastian’s face lit at being approached by the performer he’d practically swooned over.

Then the queen cocked her head and her lips curved in a closed-mouth smile and Sebastian felt a wave of recognition and powerful desire.

The man he’d hit on and the drag queen were the same person.

“But...you’re...you’re wearing women’s clothes...”

The queen leaned in and Sebastian quivered at the warm breath on his cheek and ear.

“Don’t worry, what’s underneath is still the same.”

Sebastian closed his eyes and suppressed a moan.

“Tell me you’re coming home with me.”

A cocked eyebrow greeted that. “And what will happen if I do?”

“First, I’ll ride you into the mattress, then blow you, then fuck you eight ways from Sunday. You up for a marathon of sexual satisfaction?”

The gorgeous drag queen laughed.

“I’m in. If only to see if you can deliver on half of what you promise.”

Sebastian bit his lip and offered his arm.

“You’re on, baby. Prepare to have your mind blown.”

“That better not be the only part of me getting blown.”

“Believe me, it won’t be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be too obscure, but major bonus points to anyone who knows my reference of a drag queen singing Gabrielle’s Should I Stay.


End file.
